I Wish I Could Stop My Biological Clock

Biological_Clock

I Wish I Could Stop My Biological Clock

Natalie,

I was talking to a friend this weekend about having more kids (no, I’m not pregnant). I have three beautiful, happy, healthy kids. I am lucky, blessed really, to have such amazing kids. I shared with my friend that even though I have these three, and sometimes three can be a lot, I still think about four.

I hope my husband isn’t choking while reading this…honey, its ok I’m not pregnant. He feels ready to be done having kids.

I’m the one who isn’t sure. I can’t seem to stop my biological clock. It just keeps ticking (You might be picturing Marisa Tomei stomping her foot in My Cousin Vinny — one of my favorite 90’s movies). It isn’t that I don’t feel like my family is complete, because I do. It isn’t that I am sure I want another child. I’m not. It is just that I can’t imagine NOT having more. I can’t imagine that part of my life being over.

Little Man turned 6 this summer and I have either been pregnant, nursing, or thinking about getting pregnant for over 7 years! That is a long time. Quite the ‘phase’ in life. Although Peanut is still little and I am still nursing, it is strange to think that I might not experience those things again.

I’m not sure I want another child, but I would love to be pregnant again. I enjoyed being pregnant. Aside from the horrific ‘morning’ sickness, swollen feet, sore back, food (drink!) restrictions and general tiredness…I loved it!

Seriously!  I’m not sugar coating it; it wasn’t all great…but in general I had easy pregnancies and easy childbirth experiences.

Tick, tick, tick.

I wish I could just turn off the biological clock. My husband is happy with our three.  Honestly, I am too, which is why I can’t understand why I don’t want to be done having children. It must be biological right? Dare I say, hormonal?

I think about it logically and three is perfect for us. We both came from a family of three, so we get what it is like. We all still fit in a regular car. College is only getting more expensive. We are out of bedrooms in our house. I’m only getting older, which brings about more risk to me and any potential kids. And four might make me crazy (or crazier!).

I don’t think choosing to have kids (or not) is all logical. There certainly other emotional decisions to make. I am envious of women who just knew (or know) they only wanted xx kids. I wish I could turn off my clock.

How’s your biological clock these days? 😉

Tick, tick, tick,
Courtney

 

6 thoughts on “I Wish I Could Stop My Biological Clock

  1. Anita K says:

    I love your “pondering.” We began having kids in our 30’s, and always thought we’d have a “bigger family.” [I think that meant it would be bigger than the 2 kids in my family or the 3 kids in his.] Anyway, we were blessed with 3 easy conceptions, 15 mos. apart each, and we thought we would have a 4th. We just felt like we were going to be a 4-kid family. It was really busy and crazy in the early years (big pink diaper, medium blue diaper, newborn white diaper 🙂 ), but then as Tara points out, they grew up some, were each others’ best playmates and helpers, and then I noticed…hey, we aren’t expecting #4. What happened? It took about 3 years to kind of adjust to the idea that, hey, maybe three is our number. I can relate to what you said about not sure you are ready for this season of your life to be over (paraphrasing). So we adjusted our thinking. And then, we found out we were going to have the 4th. It’s been great – he is everyone’s “baby brother.” Now, though, 14 years later, I have to say I am even more thankful for him than I can say, because the older three have graduated and left the home to college, Navy, college…and I am still not ready for this season to be over. So once more, we are relishing the high school years. Whatever size family you have, I know you are savoring every moment. There will always be those transition tears, but mostly they will be tears of joy, not tears of regret. My constant mantra is also my favorite Dr. Seuss quote, “Don’t cry because it is over. Smile because it happened.” Thank you for your thoughts. I enjoy your blog!

  2. Fara says:

    Mine is ticking now, and I’m still pregnant with #2. I already want another one, but we have also run out of bedrooms and hubs says we’re done. I feel like we’re a 3 kid family, though.

  3. Tara Brelinsky says:

    As an instructor of Natural Family Planning, we approach this question from another angle. Each cycle my husband and I ask together, “Do we have a serious reason to actively postpone a pregnancy?” If the answer was yes, we’d abstain during my fertile window that cycle. Children add so much to married life, even though they bring challenges, too. My first three were are hardest, but after that that began helping one another and us. There is no magic number, but I am thankful that I have 8 living blessings and 6 in heaven. Indeed not every couple is able to handle this many children, but when our firstborn died we learned how truly fragile and precious every life is so we changed our thinking on the idea of being done.

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