Coffee Chatter: I’m Jealous

I'm_Jealous

I’m Jealous

 

I’m so jealous.

I was washing dishes, listening to my kids argue over which color cup they would get for dinner (FYI–don’t buy multicolored cups to make you happy…one color makes life easier) — when my phone beeped.  I am not always quick to grab my phone, but I was waiting on a text to see if my husband’s flight home was on time (save me!!!).

I dried my hands and snatched my phone.

It wasn’t a text, it was a notification from LinkedIn. My former colleague had just been promoted to a new, senior position.

I was totally jealous.

This colleague is smart, capable and very deserving of a promotion. It wasn’t that. It was that I wasn’t getting promoted. I was standing there in my kitchen with mismatched socks and yoga pants, while the kids screamed in the background over a F*&^ing CUP!!!

Nope. I wasn’t getting promoted. I wasn’t getting an award. I wasn’t getting a pat on the back for doing a good job.

I was just jealous.

I have my MBA. I had a successful career. I have been promoted, given raises and praise for my hard work. I have managed people; produced videos and TV commercials; written articles that were published; coordinated half-time shows for a division I school; managed events for thousands of people…I know what it feels like to do a job well and be rewarded for doing just that.

I chose to have kids. I chose to be a working mother.

I was jealous then too. I coveted the weekends with my kids. I wanted to do more projects with them, have more time for adventures or crafts. I thought staying at home was the answer.

So then life got crazier with Peanut, and I chose to stay home. It was a choice. It was the right choice.

So, why am I jealous?

I guess the grass is always greener.

I remember those crazy mornings trying to get everyone out of the house and off to school/work. I remember how my husband and I would fight over who stayed home with the sick kids–whose day was more flexible. I remember putting the kids to bed and opening my computer (and a bottle of wine) to finish my day.

I don’t do those things anymore. Do I miss it sometimes? Yes (well maybe not those exact examples). Is working the right choice for me, for right now? No.

But I can dream of completing projects and doing them well; of the meetings over coffee,  lunch celebrations without kids; orhe possibility of being rewarded for a good job.

Am I happy? Yes.

Am I jealous? Yes.

I guess I will have to be both for a little while. I’ll get back there someday or maybe a new plan will emerge.

Stay Tuned,
Courtney

PS: We are almost half-way through January…have you started your January challenge? It isn’t too late!

4 thoughts on “Coffee Chatter: I’m Jealous

  1. kelsey says:

    I still go to you for work advice because you are an awesome business professional. I admire the choice you made and know great things will come your way when / if you go back to work full time!

  2. andthreetogo says:

    I know this feeling too well. I love that I am able to stay home with my daughter (all while traveling the world and living in Asia now), but sometimes despite all the many blessings I KNOW that I receive daily, I still miss working. I think it is good to accept your feelings and understand them. Well try to understand them, right?! Hahah

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s