I’m so jealous.
I was washing dishes, listening to my kids argue over which color cup they would get for dinner (FYI–don’t buy multicolored cups to make you happy…one color makes life easier) — when my phone beeped. I am not always quick to grab my phone, but I was waiting on a text to see if my husband’s flight home was on time (save me!!!).
I dried my hands and snatched my phone.
It wasn’t a text, it was a notification from LinkedIn. My former colleague had just been promoted to a new, senior position.
I was totally jealous.
This colleague is smart, capable and very deserving of a promotion. It wasn’t that. It was that I wasn’t getting promoted. I was standing there in my kitchen with mismatched socks and yoga pants, while the kids screamed in the background over a F*&^ing CUP!!!
Nope. I wasn’t getting promoted. I wasn’t getting an award. I wasn’t getting a pat on the back for doing a good job.
I was just jealous.
I have my MBA. I had a successful career. I have been promoted, given raises and praise for my hard work. I have managed people; produced videos and TV commercials; written articles that were published; coordinated half-time shows for a division I school; managed events for thousands of people…I know what it feels like to do a job well and be rewarded for doing just that.
I chose to have kids. I chose to be a working mother.
I was jealous then too. I coveted the weekends with my kids. I wanted to do more projects with them, have more time for adventures or crafts. I thought staying at home was the answer.
So then life got crazier with Peanut, and I chose to stay home. It was a choice. It was the right choice.
So, why am I jealous?
I guess the grass is always greener.
I remember those crazy mornings trying to get everyone out of the house and off to school/work. I remember how my husband and I would fight over who stayed home with the sick kids–whose day was more flexible. I remember putting the kids to bed and opening my computer (and a bottle of wine) to finish my day.
I don’t do those things anymore. Do I miss it sometimes? Yes (well maybe not those exact examples). Is working the right choice for me, for right now? No.
But I can dream of completing projects and doing them well; of the meetings over coffee, lunch celebrations without kids; orhe possibility of being rewarded for a good job.
Am I happy? Yes.
Am I jealous? Yes.
I guess I will have to be both for a little while. I’ll get back there someday or maybe a new plan will emerge.
PS: We are almost half-way through January…have you started your January challenge? It isn’t too late!